As part of National Adoption Week 2022, we sat down with 3 people living in South East Wales that were adopted as children. Below you can hear from Kris aged 21, Donna aged 26 & Nicholas aged 61 share their thoughts, feeling and memories about their families and growing up as adoptees.
Please tell us more about yourself.
Kris (21)
I like all watching and playing sports, I used to play rugby when I was younger.
Nicholas (61)
Worked as a bank clerk, debt collector and Bouncer (part time when a student). After graduating I became a teacher – reached Deputy Head. Played a lot of rugby. Like board games and quizzes. (been on TV twice) Written a couple of pamphlets/ books.
Donna (26)
I’m 26 with a 2 year old girl, who is nearly 3. I work part time and I’m training to be a supervisor in a lovely little café. In my spare time when I’m not working it’s spending time with my daughter or going out with my friends.
What was your upbringing like with your adoptive family?
Kris (21)
I was brought up by a single mum who is from a large family, that are generally lovely and I have many cousins. I went to a Welsh school and have welsh as a second language. My mum was firm but fair. I can make her laugh. My upbringing was good, lots of fun and laughter. Mum is part of a charity that takes disabled disadvantaged children away to France, I did this as a young helper and saw how this experience helped young people.
Nicholas (61)
They worked hard to send me to a fee paying school (to allow me to play rugby and increase my chance of attending a university) – Dad was an electrician and Mum a care home worker. I was challenged to succeed and go to University (first one in the family). We had moved to Lancashire from South Wales (following my sister and her family), this meant I really disliked school, as I was the odd one out being from Wales.
Donna (26)
My upbringing with my adopted family was incredible from what I remember! They adopted me at the age of two and my brother when he was one. They’ve shown us so many videos and photos of when we were young (which brought back so many memories), it was nice to see what we’ve done and where we’ve been.
Can you tell us a memory you remember when growing up?
Kris (21)
One Christmas time, I remember finding reindeer hoof prints and a chewed carrot. I was very excited. Another time I hid my letters to Santa, my mum was panicking because she couldn’t find it. Also loved getting a dog.
Nicholas (61)
Lots of positive stories come to mind . Whilst he did not have time to come and see me play sports – My Dad worked all the hours on building sites, he always asked about games. He encouraged me to carry on when I wanted to quit anything.
Donna (26)
I believe everything about being adopted by these amazing people was positive for me! They’ve loved us when no one could, as a family we stuck together in good and bad times. Me and my brother were a very young age when we were adopted so I don’t remember all of it. We wouldn’t have known what was going on at first but we’ve been told stories when we both grew up about these early years.
How do you think being adopted has affected your life?
Kris (21)
Adoption has given me more opportunities, life chances and been part of a big mad family. I have travelled to different countries and met more people. Having said that, adoption took a toll on my mental health. I felt as though I did not belong anywhere, as I grew older I really struggled and went into myself.
Nicholas (61)
When I was younger I did wonder why I had been ‘dumped’. Later I understood what life was like in the 60s (and it proved to be true – my Mother was told give him up or get out). My birth Mother was very young and made a mistake – who amongst us has not made mistakes in our teenage years? Perhaps this made me a little more understanding. I knew about being adopted early on (I was so different to my adoptive family), I had plenty of time to adapt to this thinking.
What is your relationship with your adoptive parents like?
Kris (21)
I would say it’s good, (she says lovely). We get on really well.
Nicholas (61)
They have both passed away now, and I miss them a lot. I am not sure how they would have reacted to me tracing my birth family, especially my Mum, which is why I waited until they had passed away before I did it. Growing up I was closer to my Dad, Mum was closer to my sister. My Father’s Mother was very close to me (and spoilt me rotten).
Donna (26)
Me and my brother’s relationship with our parents is natural! They were there for us from a very young age and taught us everything we know. I believe when you grow up your bond gets stronger with you parents and that has definitely happened with my family.
What a story you would want to share with people about your childhood?
Kris (21)
We went for a walk in the park and my mum was chased and nipped by a goose. Mostly it was fun, normal family life.
Nicholas (61)
I was always told not to fight, so my father was upset when a father came to the door with his son (whom I had thumped). I told him it was because he had called me a names and said rude things about my Mum. Dad asked if that was the case and the boy finally admitted it. So Dad told the man that while he did not want me to be involved in fights, if his son did it again he would be ‘thumped’ again. Then he took me to one side and told me it was best to ‘speak softly, but carry a large stick’ – a sentiment that is true today.
Donna (26)
When we got to the age we understood a little more, my parents sat us down and told us about our birth family! Every year they sat us down and asked if we wanted to see photos or have any contact. My parents are been very supportive about me doing what’s best for me when it comes to my birth family. Another thing is when I was 10/11 years old my parents adopted another child. They loved and cared for us all the same and it felt like he had been there from day one.
What message would you want to give people thinking about adopting a child?
Kris (21)
Adoption is a positive thing, my auntie and some cousins has adopted children as well. They have given a child a chance of a great life.
Nicholas (61)
Do it, but only if you know you can give them all the support they need. You must not treat them differently to other children you might have. Also be prepared to have difficult conversations about adoption – remember you chose them and that makes them special. Also do not take it personally if they decide to trace their birth family – they aren’t doing it to replace you, but to answer some fundamental questions for themselves. Be part of the process, instead of outside of it.
Donna (26)
For anyone that is looking to adopt, Then do it Doesn’t matter what age, race or gender they are. It’s the most precious and amazing thing a person could ever do. It can be hard at times but that child needs love and support, giving them this can help them grow up having the best life possible.
Any other information you would like to share.
Donna (26)
When I gave birth to my daughter, I was proud to call her by my adopted family’s name. My adopted family are my real family, the people who homed me and loved me unconditionally. I allowed my parents to experience my pregnancy with me as they had never had a child from birth. My mum was by my side when I gave birth to my daughter and even cut my daughters cord. I allowed my mum and dad to do the first feed with me and to dress her like they would of for me if they had me from birth.
Adoption, just like life is full of ups and downs. No one’s journey is the same as another’s. Here in South East Wales Adoption Services we are proud to champion the voices of adoptees to help create the best possible service for all involved. For Children, For Families, For Always.
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